I Tried To Appease My Younger Self In Baguio City
I was a freshman college student in the City of Pines when I first realized how brutal hunger could be.
Enrolling in a university located in Baguio City was a crazy idea. But since my acceptance letter arrived during the brief time we had more than enough, thanks to a huge sum of money I got from my father’s insurance policy after he died in a road accident, I went for it anyway.
My first semester was amazing. I was basically living the dream: away from home to study in a beautiful city, learning new things in one of the country’s best universities, and able to afford everything I needed and more. My tuition had been fully paid, and I was never behind on rent, so there was practically nothing for me to worry about but academics.
However, things took a different turn the following semester. We could no longer pay my tuition in full, so I had to take a loan from the university. I was also behind on rent, and my grocery budget went down by a lot.
To stretch whatever my mother could send me, I had to be wiser when shopping for food. I began trading down for cheaper brands. On weekends, I tried combining two meals into one. I avoided eating out as much as possible because I had to stick to the budget and had little to no room for error.
There were times when I’d try to suppress hunger by drinking lots of instant coffee. And whenever I would get so tired and hungry but didn’t want to spend a lot, I would buy some pan de sal which, I discovered, could easily fill me up for less than half the price of my usual meal.
I felt so helpless at the time, especially since I was not yet of legal age and could not take on any part-time job. My only option was to make do with what I had. Moreover, I had to bear the shame each time I had to borrow money from friends or tell the landlady my rent would be delayed again. I know this sounds silly now, but I was still a child back then and did not know how to deal with such things.
The following academic year, I transferred to a different campus, somewhere closer to home, so I could just stay with my family. Finally, I no longer needed to worry about being kicked out of my boarding house for regularly missing payments. This also meant that my mother did not have to send me money in huge sums anymore since I no longer had to pay rent and shop for my own groceries. It was the most practical option we had.
It has been almost 15 years since, and things have changed. I may have had worse encounters with hunger in the years that followed, but what matters is that I’m currently in a better place. I am no longer the helpless girl who could barely afford to regularly feed herself.
But despite the positive developments in my life, I can’t help but feel bad for the version of myself from that time in my life. No wonder I sometimes feel the need to appease her. How? By going to eating places my younger self would have loved but could definitely not afford.
That’s exactly what I did when I visited Baguio City three months ago.
It is worth noting, however, that I did not take on that trip for that mission in particular. The original plan was simply to reacquaint myself with the city, which I had not visited since 2019 before the pandemic struck. Little did I know, I would remember my younger self during almost every meal, apologizing to her for everything she had to endure at such an age, and telling her that life was so much better now and we could eat everything we wanted, whatever day of the month it was. And then I would feel so much pride, as though my 17-year-old self were responding to me, telling me that I had done a great job.
Pizza Volante
The first and only time I was able to dine at Pizza Volante in my freshman year was when my mother visited the city in time for the university’s recognition program for achievers, which was held a few months before the end of the academic year. I was among the awardees back then, so we thought we should go somewhere a bit special. We ended up going to this place, which I thought was fancy simply because its dishes were priced higher than most meals I could afford.
Now I still go to Pizza Volante whenever I want to feel a bit more special. In fact, it’s where I usually have my very first meal in the city, the meal I am most excited about, and I typically take the table at the end of the second floor, where one could easily see the stairs going up the cathedral from Session Road.
I do understand that the food here is not as fancy as I thought when I was younger since it’s actually a casual restaurant where people dine in and get takeout from even on regular days, but it never fails to brighten my day.
Hill Station Casa Vallejo
It took me four years to visit the city again after I left to transfer to another campus. And when I finally did, I realized that it had changed a lot. One of the most shocking changes to me back then was the revival of Casa Vallejo, that old building I was so scared of passing by at night during my freshman year.
Apparently, it was now a hotel, and the building was also home to a bookstore, a cinema, a spa, and a restaurant. The restaurant was called Hill Station, I learned, and people said it was fancy. I was still broke back then, so of course, I could not afford a meal there yet.
The following year, I visited the city with a friend who was kind enough to treat me to a nice dinner in the same restaurant. I fell in love with it, not only because I thought its food was great but also because it had a really cozy ambiance.
That very night, I made a promise to myself that I would always include it in my plans whenever I’d go to Baguio. I knew my younger self would have loved that place so much. Plus, I thought the idea of dining at the very building that used to fuel my nightmares was just so funny.
Gypsy By Chef Waya
This restaurant, which also has a cafe called Taguan, is a pretty new establishment in the city, so I never thought I’d be so emotional while dining there.
Yet the moment they served my soup, I got the feels. It looked so good, and it tasted even better. Its warmth felt like a much-needed hug during a cold, foggy night in the City of Pines.
For some reason, it reminded me of the countless nights when all I could eat was a serving of instant mami, and of course, I felt terrible again for my younger self. I mean, sure, instant mami is good, but it kind of loses its magic when you are forced to have it because it’s the only thing you can afford and despite the fact that you’ve been having the same noodle soup five nights in a row.
And so, as I continued enjoying the soup, I kept thinking of the girl I used to be, and in my mind, I talked to her, telling her life wouldn’t be like that forever. By the time my pasta arrived, I was feeling so much better.
Joseph’s
In the last few months of my freshman year in Baguio, my weekly grocery budget was down to around P300. Guess what? I spent more than eight times that amount on a four-course meal for one at Joseph’s, a haunted house turned into a fine dining restaurant, and it felt so good.
What made me feel even better was the fact that the meal was so worth it. I was nervous about it at first, especially since it was my first-ever fine dining experience. But I eventually relaxed because apart from being the only diner there during my chosen timeslot, I didn’t feel any kind of judgment from anyone. It was actually quite the opposite; all members of the staff were friendly and accommodating.
And the food was divine. I know I don’t really have an educated palate yet, whatever that means, but I really enjoyed each dish that arrived on my table. And the fact that I was enjoying them in the same city where I first realized how brutal hunger could be, I could not help but sense some sort of closure.